I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing right now. I haven’t written in a few weeks. My boyfriend and I decided we’re splitting up when our lease ends at the beginning of September.

It was mutual; it feels like the right choice, and I’m trying to handle it maturely. I’ve mostly just been eating, crying, and watching all the movies, though. I haven’t been invested in work lately, and I haven’t had a drive to do much at all (though I did find the energy to go on a shopping spree where I just picked things up and cried, purchasing nothing, and I did get rid of 4 trash bags full of old clothes – praise the lord).

A small sampling of things I consumed last weekend:

  • 2 Dominos pizzas
  • An entire box of birthday cake flavored Oreos
  • A pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream
  • A large bag of barbecue potato chips
  • A large bag of salt and vinegar potato chips
  • An entire bottle of tequila
  • 3 bloody marys
  • (Veggie) Burger and large cowboy fries
  • Grilled Cheese and large normal fries
  • Coconut cake
  • About an eighth of weed

A small sampling of the places I cried last weekend

  • In front of all my colleagues at work
  • Away from all my colleagues in the bathroom at work
  • On the Q train
  • On the B train
  • On the G train
  • Target
  • TJ Maxx
  • Nordstrom Rack
  • Burlington Coat Factory
  • That Mexican restaurant with the great margs
  • Union Square Farmer’s Market
  • Han’s Deli on Broadway
  • Prospect Park
  • Washington Square Park
  • Starbucks on Flatbush Ave.

A small sampling of the things I watched last weekend:

  • When Harry Met Sally
  • You’ve Got Mail
  • Working Girl
  • Annie Hall
  • Francis Ha
  • Her
  • The entire 4th season of Sex and the City
  • Half the 5th season of West Wing

And here is a small sampling of stuff I’ve learned about myself and the world:

  • Giving myself bangs every two years or so when the going gets tough is inevitable. Results vary biannually. Sometimes, I end up looking like an unstable 12 year old. This year, it turned out okay. Blessed.
  • If I want to move into an apartment with a backyard (for the pupper), I may have to consider a place like Bushwick. Bushwick.
  • I thought I’d never have to deal with roommates again. lol.
  • I handle difficult transitions really well through poor dietary, drink, and drug choices
  • Pupper is bae.
  • I need more actual goals.
  • I need less television/movies.
  • I can make underwear last like 7 years, which is way too long.
  • It’s time to let go of college clothes and admit, after 5 years, that I will not be that skinny again.
  • It’s time to let go of stuffy, bland, office clothing that says, “I’ll have those numbers for you by noon!”
  • Working Girl was filmed long, long ago. One year before I was born.
  • Teasing your hair and wearing an off the shoulder, sparkly dress to a business function will make Harrison Ford-esque figures come over to you and say things like, “You’re the first woman I’ve seen in one of these damn things that dresses like a woman, not like a woman thinks a man would dress if he was a woman.” and then you’ll be able to say things like, “I have a head for business and a bod for sin. Is there anything wrong with that?”
  • Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks act like douches in You’ve Got Mail, in that scene where Meg gets in the cash-only line and refuses to go to a different line, despite only having a credit card. That cashier is only trying to do her job – her manager’s probably going to be super pissed that she made a card transaction, and there’s a line of people *with cash* waiting to be served. Like, get out the way, Meg and Tom – ya’ fucked up!
  • Speaking of Nora Ephron, how about Meg’s apartment in When Harry Met Sally, when they’re unrolling that big rug and talking about their horrible dates? That place is ENORMOUS, has floor to ceiling windows, is in Manhattan, and is paid for by a single woman – DAMN.
  • Speaking of single women living in New York, Carrie Bradshaw’s apartment was like $750/month – DAMN.
  • When Carrie goes broke and is like “I don’t know how this happened!” she has like $700 in her checking account and $1000 in savings, and she still complains about it to her friends at a fancy brunch and continues to go clubbing. Being a grown up in the 90s sounds fun.
  • The 90s were also a time for political optimism and Rob Lowe wearing makeup.
  • I’m pretty much already dating my phone.
  • It feels weird to still act like a couple with my boyfriend.
  • It feels weird not to.
  • He went away for 5 days and came back and I don’t want him to leave again.
  • I hate saying “my” dog
  • My dog is happiest when the three of us are hanging out on our bed together.
  • She’s sad when he’s gone.
  • I know we’re doing the right thing, but I agree with my dog.

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