TFW when you finally get back into writing on the regs, and you’ve got a pretty good groove going with your new blog, but then you hang out with an old friend and get frustrated by her regaling you with stories about the never ending cha-cha line of handsome successful men throwing themselves at her feet and offering to hara-kiri themselves for her honor and beauty,

and then you’re like man I’m frustrated by those stories – I can totally write about this in my blog, but then you realize you can’t write shit online about your long-time friend because she’ll obviously see it and be hurt and you don’t want to hurt her, you just want to vent, because the internet *just gets you*, but then you go ahead and write a scathing thought-piece about her egotism anyway because you’re not thinking and bah! emotions!,

and then you see that she follows your blog, and then you delete the post in a wild panic because you’ve never been communicative with your friends about your feelings and that’s really on you but now’s not the time to change, and then you’re like, well, I’m not going to *not* write about my friends, so I guess now I need to make a new blog,

and then you happen to go away on vacation for a week and fall into a sandpit of booze and tortilla chips, and then you discover that – whoa, guys – bloody mary’s are decidedly *not* gross, they are heaven, and that one other time you’d tried a bloody mary and thought it tasted like a fish’s period-blood, that was just a shitty bloody mary.

The point is, I was doing some other stuff for a while, and now I’m back.

I’m back in the blog-zone, relocated now to a brand new shiny blog (where I’ll talk about anyone I damn well please!). I’m back from vacation. I’m back to that gluten-free lifestyle (what. a wild ride -_-). I’m chilling with my dog again – she’s laying right next to me now, actually, and her tongue is doing that wonderful dog-tongue thing where it’s just slightly out between her top and bottom lips and she looks very serious.

It’s great to be back, but it was also great to get away and see my relatives, both from my mom and dad’s sides of the family, none of whom I’ve seen in the past 7 years. I got to learn fun and interesting facts that really made me feel like I got to know them.

For example, I learned that one of my uncles, who has a very respectable day job working with children, owns a grow-house, and my 43 year old cousin on the other side of my family – daughter of a prominent local politician in a wealthy town – when walking with my boyfriend ahead of me and my aunt one afternoon, casually told my boyfriend that she used to drop shit tons of acid but then she finally stopped because Jesus came to her in a trip and told her not to anymore.

I also learned that my grandma couldn’t start doing needlepoint, which is her *favorite* thing to do, until after she divorced my grandpa because he would yell at her for it and tell her to sit down and pay attention to whatever he was watching on tv, and my other grandmother was openly racist to her caregivers at the end of her life. Great. Stuff. Fam. Fun!

We also got to hang with a few of my boyfriend’s college friends who work in network entertainment, and who were extremely gracious hosts, despite the fact that all of their names could easily have been ‘Brock,’ and that after tossing praise after praise upon sexist dude comics we’d seen the night before (in much the same fashion in which topless girls toss beads and confetti upon drunk fat men at Mardi Gras), began ripping Lena Dunham into tiny little pieces (like the confetti itself that gets thrown at drunk fat men at Mardis Gras), and forced me to enter the dead-end zone that is my unenthusiastic but steadfast defense of Lena Dunham, which ended in one of the bros saying, “You know who I love? Miley Cyrus. Now THERE is a celebrity.”
Anyway, the point is, I’ve got a million vacation stories, as well as some non-vacation thoughts that I can’t wait to share, and I also can’t wait to tell you more about the different bloody mary’s (bloody maries? bloody mari? that apostrophe doesn’t sit well with me) I’ve now tried. I’m telling you – they’re great.


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